The Original T-Payne

Ramblings of a Young Female Entrepreneur

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Send me credit

Im really trying to understand why a lot of people out here are sooooo comfortable being dependent on others. I mean where is the pride. I get embarrased to ask my own parents for things talk less of outsiders. Its almost like the in thing to do, people always asking you to send them credit or raise them like WTF.. If I can bust my ass why cant you. I am no ones money bag o. Dont get me wrong o, there is nothing wrong with being generous but the way some of these folks demand things, like they were there when you were busting your ass, or like they gave you the mula to hold.. it amazes me.

Now the one thing that irks me are people I call obtainers, you know you always gotta "leave what you are wearing" with them. The first thing that comes to my mind is, errr if I did not want it myself I wont be wearing it, and of course they turn it into a fight if you say no. Im getting to a point where im echoing 2face "as you see me so, I no send you o"... Gosh! in fact, next time im in town im gonna prints shirts that read, "dont ask me for shit" in different styles and colors. I don taya.

I get scared to leave the house from fear of being obtained of my fav shirt, glasses, shoes, etc. I feel like one day ill come back home in my undies. lol. Im sure if some can get the undies off your ass they would. back to the credit talk, I have a new rule, if you ever ask me to send you credit, ill flash you every day, 3 times a day for one week. Gosh!.. The funny thing is its never the people closest to you, its always some third type of party type of person.

Im finding out that living abroad equals money tree in your backyard cos automatically when they find out u r from away they always think you have some money to give them, mind u these folks may be holding more than you. I tell you... They want me to go bankrupt cos they wanna talk to some person. hahaha the funniest thing is the people that ask you for credit wont use the credit to call you.. lol. The least they could do is call and say thanks for the credit, iro o, you wont hear from them or better yet, they will flash you when they wanna talk.

Anyhoo Im not being nice to anybody anymore, im leaving this country with all my shit and im not buying credit or raising anybody anymore. I have yaried! In fact im bout to start being very very stingy. lol.

hahaha I just thot about something funny, a lot of people out here seem to have this funny habit of always picking their nose.. now I know why my uncle made my cousin tell everyone to chop knuckle when he come down. hehehehhe

Sidenote: TP is gonna be involved with Ronke Apampas Stars on the Catwalk show in March, Hopefully Ill be there so I can post pictures.

Friday, February 16, 2007

Shameless Policemen

Ive sooooo missed fast internet connection I decided to give up trying to use the net. Anyhoo, If I start teling stories about my trip ill be here all day so ill just give one funny gist that happened a while ago. in the mean time, yall should enjoy the music countdown here Top
10 Music
.. mehn im soo confused about who my fav NIg artist is now, there are sooo many talented artists we in diaspora dont get to hear about... anyhoo

so on to my gist!

If you have ever been to Nig I am sure you must have encountered the so called mongrels in uniforms that stand on the streets calling themselves policemen. The sight of them usually leaves a mischievous smirk on my face because they look so pathetic. Anyhoo the other day we finally go pulled over so of course I go the chance to toy with the mongrels. A friend was driving, his papers were in order but that made no difference.

First offence, the chick sitting in the back passenger side (me) had a dirty look on her face. Of course, I did, duh!, Who wouldn’t if they get pulled over by mongrels. He told the driver to roll down the window on my side, so I look at the mongrel like what for, I guess he dint like me. (they never do, last year one mongrel told me I have a bad eye for police, lol) Second offence one window was tinted. Immediately he said that I gave him this “you gotta be kiddin me look”, it was obvious the mongrel wasn’t sure if it was law or not so he jump to another thing. Third offence, the driver had an international drivers license, now it was getting funny cos mr mongrel in black did not know what an international drivers license was. Im thinking and these animals were given uniforms to protect and serve becaaaaaaaaause? So, he takes the drivers license to his boss an even bigger mongrel and then asks the driver to come with him. At this point im getting irritated, I tell him to give me the car keys and I roll up all windows and lock the door, cos guess what? I wasn’t in the mood to catch fleas.

Now for the fun part. Oga Mongrel now comes to the car with all his little ratty looking baby mongrels and proceeds to tell one to get in the car. This is when katakata bursted o. I shouted, “hell no, no one is getting in this car” Now for the most hilarious thing I have heard in ages, oga mongrel then says to moi “WE HAVE ARRESTED THE VEHICLE”. Lmao!. Ok the fact that I did not piss myself was a miracle, I mean if you hear someone say I have arrested you car there is no way you wont be tempted to toy with them. Sarcasm was smacking my mouth saying “use me, use me”. Im thinking ok, if you arrest the car, should we get the car a lawyer and if we do, how will the car communicate with its lawyer in order to defend itself. Wowser!.

Continuing my story, so oga Mongrel repeats that the guy should get in, oh! at this point my friend is already back in the car so of course I was ready for them. I said hell no, no one is getting in this car, if you want to go to the station, use your own cars. So I jump on the phone and make a call, just in case they decide to get crazy. Lol. So I said to oga mongrel, I don’t realy care whats worrying all of you but right now I want the policeman that pulled us over, I want his name and his id number (of course the coward is nowhere to be found). I said, after you arrest the car, I will arrest him and drag him to your real gas office and then you can explain to him why you are harassing us. Meehn, I opened a can of worms, see veins around his neck popping out, he then started shouting. You are very proud, who do you think you are, why cant my guys get in your car, is it because it is a jeep ( he lost me on this one, I did not know jeeps were special), I have a child you age where you are( he also lost me on this one cos I dint state where I was from and was speaking pidgin the whole time), all my men have cars, nice cars ( of course I couldn’t help laughing at this point), I am old enough to be your father, I am over 50. This was the part where I went into auto pilot, I just faced the front of the car and ignored him. I guess I got tired of watching him ramble. I could hear him still shouting bitterly while I played a game of pool on my cell phone.

Anyhoo, they sha dragged him away and the dododyo baby mongrel still had the guts to come towards the car asking to get in. I gave him this look like are you really this daft? I kind of felt bad for the dodoyo because he looked so pitiful, he had this unsure look on his face, like a jjc mongrel. Im sure he was scared to do what he was being told but of course had to obey. I had all day for them so he would have stood out there waiting for the door to unlock.

Anyhoo long story short, my friend decided he was tired of having fun with them, plus we had to go, so he tipped them and we went on our way. Small price to pay for some mongrelish entertainment huh?. Boy you should have seen oga vein popping hailing us after he got tipped. LMAO!!....

This may have been amusing to me only because I know why we were pulled over in the first place but when you really think about it, its very sad that the Nig police would sit there and degrade themselves for 20, 100, 200 naira. I actually appreciate the one that straight up ask in a friendly way than the ones that try to use cunny cunny to get dough. I knew the day would come when I would run into one of the cunny ones and it did and it was fun all the way. I wish you could have seen their Oga’s face when he was lamenting. You child is in a better place, yet your ass looks like shit and are indirectly begging for alms on the streets of LAG.

I think a law should be passed that If a policeman should ask you for bribe, you should do a citizens arrest. Something drastic that will put an end to all this rubbish. Ahh, which reminds me, I was on my way to a friends last week and I saw a policeman, I mean mongrel and a civilian dragging each others shirts, cursing at each other, you hol my shirt, I go beat you today type stuff. What a shame. The upside is, LAG is never boring, everyday is like on huge soap opera. If its not police drama, its people and their impatient ways, or how everything moves so fast yet so slow. Yesterday on my drive home, I just told myself. This place is chaotic, how does one get used to chaos. Isn’t it funny how you see things differently as an adult. The older I guess the more I see. Lol.

Disclaimer: not all Nig police are bad, I know really good honest ones. The nasty ones are usually the ones you find setting up road blocks looking hungry, flagging you down. I don’t know the stats and Im not sure if they make up the majority but I sure hope not. I guess it’s a fine case of rotten apple making the tree bad